Behind the Light
by CindyBaby
Summary: We're not supposed to be those kind of people, right?
1. Chapter 1

**Based on certain episodes.**

 **I don't own Crossing Lines or the characters.**

The first time something happenend was after the drink of whiskey he'd given her when she was mourning Shirley. They'd left work and gone to a pub but they had only stayed for one beer before she'd felt her emotions overwhelm her. They'd already lost one of them, and now this unknown woman whom she didn't even know…it overwhelmed her. He made sure she got home okay, and then made her a cup of tea. She teased him about it and he laughed.

"Look at you, being all domestic."

"Who knows," he quirked an eyebrow, "maybe you tamed Tommy McConnel."

"Sounds like an impossible task."

"Oh come now…tell me, how many boys do you have falling at your feet, huh? One little wink, a little smile here, a nudge there…I bet they are eating out of your hand."

She smiled then, it felt good. "Not you though."

"I'm Irish love, the only thing that rules me is the drinking."

Little did he know that he'd be eating his own words.

"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered.

"You can, trust me Eva."

"Should I? Trust you?" she asked.

He was quiet for a few seconds, before answering his voice low and serious. "I'll always have your back. No matter what."

Suddenly the memory of Sienna dying in his arms came back and he stood up abruptly, making her eyes widen in shock. "You know what, do what you want, doesn't matter."

"What? Tommy!"

"Geez Eva, I just…"

"Right," she nodded and stood as well "you hate everyone, and we're not these kind of people right?"

He could see the hurt in her eyes, but the fear of getting close made him take a step backwards instead of going to her as his body screamed at him to do. "It's for the best anyway." He turned to leave, but flinched when a glass hit the wall beside him.

"You're a fucking coward McConnel!"

He turned harshly. "What?"

"You heard me. You're a coward, you're so afraid of having a friend that you can't even..."

He took the steps seperating them and grabbed her arms, pulling her to him. "You think that's the problem here? You think I can't stay here and be your friend because I'm scared?" he laughed harshly. "I wish that was the problem Eva."

"Then what?" she yelled in his face. "What is so important that you have to push everyone away?"

"People close to me, it never ends well for them."

"Fine. Fine. If that's how you want it then go, get out!"

"Eva…"

"I said get out!"

He left, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**As you can see I'm following the line of episodes, and then changing them, he.**

 **I don't own Crossing Lines.**

The moment she volunteered to go undercover, he did as well. They hadn't spoken much since their fight, only when absolutely necessary, but they both knew something had changed between them, or maybe it had always been there. He was still angry, even if it was mostly at himself, but there was no way in hell she was gonna do this without him.

When he'd volunteered her traitorous heart had jumped a little bit and she cursed herself. His comment about them as a couple made their previous fight even clearer. They both knew they could never work, how could they? Both had a difficult past, with families in their own way who had betrayed them. That coupled with his short fuse and her temper…it was doomed, and they both knew it.

That didn't stop the fear he felt when they were surrounded by the truckers. A quick look around told him that they were outnumbered, and that he'd never be able to protect her. With that thought came another one, a much clearer one. He knew it was hopeless, they were simply to many. He wouldn't be able to protect her, but he'd die trying.

He'd die for her.

After, when it was all over he took a deep breath. He'd die for anyone in his team, that wasn't the thing. They were his team, his partners, and he'd take a bullet for them any day. It was different with her. It was her.

He'd die for _her_.

The words about their pretend relationship vs. a real one was them both acknowledging how fucked up they were, that they would never, could never work. They were both too much of a coward to say it to each other, and to much of a coward to admit that despite that he wanted her.

This time when he knocked on the door she opened it without a word. They stood there staring at each other for what felt like forever before he sighed, and shook his head.

"You know that this," he gestured between them "can never work".

She nodded, the anger between them hadn't faded completely, it was still crackling in the air, threatening to ignite with little warning. "Then why are you here?"

Good question. He sighed again, leaning one closed fist against her door. "What do you want me to say Eva?"

She was quiet for a few seconds before shaking her head angrily. Giving him one last glare she turned to walk further into the apartment. "Nothing Tommy. Can you please close the door when you leave?"

When he didn't answer she turned to look at him where he was still standing in the doorway. Their eyes met and held.

Staring into her eyes Tommy tried to remember all the reasons as to why this was such a bad idea, and he knew them, could list them right now, but the fire burning in his blood wouldn't quiet down. He just didn't care anymore. He took the steps seperating them, standing close enough to see the flecks of yellow in her eyes.

"I hope you know what you're doing," his voice was a low murmur, his blue eyes burning into hers.

"Do you?" she retorted, reaching up behind his neck, fingers grabbing at the hair there.

"I know that we're going to hell," his eyes dropped to her lips.

She stood on her tiptoes, her lips almost touching his. "Why aren't you leaving then?"

"Why are you here then? "

"You know why."

Then he kissed her.

The tension that had always been between them erupted quickly and then her shirt ripped under his hands and the back of her thighs hit the kitchen table. His mouth found her neck as he lifted her onto the table. She moaned and reached for his shirt, tugging on it impatiently. He quickly dragged it over his head and tossed it to the floor with the remains of her shirt. She got a quick glance of his chest before it was pressed against hers and now she couldn't tell who had moaned. It felt like they had waited forever to feel each others bare skin and now that they did they couldn't get enough. They didn't dare talk, afraid that it would somehow break the spell and reality would come rushing back in.

The first time was fast, and intense. They bit and bruised each other, hands and teeth leaving marks on newly discovered skin. When he first entered her she cried out, her nails digging into his back, drawing blood. He groaned in response, his hands on her hips clenching hard enough to leave bruises.

"Tommy," His name on her breath followed by a moan made him almost insane. He bit down on her neck and felt her come around him. He followed shortly after, his legs shaking with the effort to remain standing.

For several minutes they stayed there, her on the table and him between her legs, arms around each other. Eva eventually pulled back and their eyes met. Both a bit shocked at the extent of their passion, and Tommy ran a finger down her neck, where marks from his teeth showed on her pale skin. He'd hurt her.

"I…"

She shook her head, telling him without words that it was okay. He stepped back so that she could stand, and he slowly pulled his pants up while she put on her panties, using her arms to cover herself a bit, something he didn't quite understand given what they'd just done.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Eva…" Tommy hesitated, one hand reaching out to her but she quickly stepped back and started gathering the remains of her clothing.

"I'll see you tomorrow Tommy, okay?"

He nodded.

He closed the door behind him and closed his eyes with a sigh, trying to ignore the urge telling him to go back inside again and tell her to ask him to stay. He understood, he really did. What they'd done had changed things and he was scared too, but he wanted to talk about it, something she was clearly not ready for yet.

"Fuck…" He muttered and with one last glance at the door he left.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone (the one's still reading he). I'm attempting to finish all my stories, and I have as you might know been sick and I'm not well yet, so it's going to take some time. I hope you all are patient with me, there's really nothing I can do about it other than try and find the energy and time to write. I really have no idea which order I'll write, I'll just have to take it as it comes and be happy when I can. Thanks for reading!**

 **Episode: Special Ops 1+2**

 **I don't own Crossing Lines or it's characters.**

Two weeks.

Two weeks of tension and resentful glances. The bruises on her hips and the bite marks hadn't completely faded yet, she wondered if his had. They hadn't talked. He had wanted to, but she had found and excuse to run every time. He was starting to lose his temper, she was taking it out at the gym. It didn't help that she kept getting flashes of that night at the most opportune moments. Every time she would remember his gravelly voice in her ear, or his hands on her body, or the way it felt when he… She ducked quickly and brought her knee up, her opponent having noticed her momentary distraction and decided to take advantage. She poured all her frustration out in her punches. She guessed it was a good way to get rid of some tension in her body. The other options being to punch him. Or kiss him. Or both.

She couldn't help but notice her opponents sigh of relief when her phone rang.

So he had a date. And he even described her as the most beautiful woman he'd seen since he'd left Dublin. Fine, she could play that game. So she kept her responses cool and nonchalant, not letting anything on even though he kept on goading her, obviously hoping for a reaction from her. Well, she wouldn't give him what he wanted. She was Eva Vittoria, and no one played her for a fool. She tried to resist the urge to slap herself. She tried to resist slapping that grin off his handsome face. Because handsome he was, and he smelled divine.

Bastard.

She resisted the urge to slap him, but couldn't resist adding a comment about how it should be sexy to be asked to France. It wasn't much, but afterall, she was just getting warm.

She was relieved to be sent to Florence. If she was honest with herself, and she usually tried to be, it was hard to be around him. Just standing next to him made her tense, smelling him and feeling the warmth radiating from him made her feel things she shouldn't be feeling. His comment about the lawn owned by the kidnapping victims parents made her sneak a glance at him, and he smiled, knowing he had gotten her attention which she had steadfastly refused to give him on the journey there.

 _She heard Anne-Marie's gasp first and tensed, a second later Hickman's voice came over the computer._

" _Eva turn around!"_

 _She reached for her gun, without a conscious decision to do so, her eyes snapped to Tommy's before her brain had time to catch up with what was happening._

"No, turn around"

She kept her eyes on his, in them she saw fear and she wondered… would he have to watch her die?

She got up slowly, breaking the connection between them and then she did what she always did, she put everything out of her mind and waited for her opening. The rest, like much else in life, is just instinct afterall.

They didn't travel back together, due to being in different places. Part of her was relieved, another part disappointed. But she knew, she knew that she wasn't ready to face the emotions she had seen in his eyes through the computer screen. She didn't know what it meant, and she was too tired, too filled with tension from the fight and the almost dying that she didn't know what would happen if she sought him out now. Instead she headed back to work to talk to Sebastian, but Tommy's voice from the kitchen area along with Hickman's made her hightail out of there, leaving Anne-Marie staring after her.

When had she turned into such a coward?

Later that night, her phone lit up time after time, that familiar face staring back at her where she lay on her couch, an icepack against her ribs and a blanket over her feet.

A coward indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Episode: The Animals**

 **I don't own Crossing Lines or it's characters.**

His head was pounding. It literally felt like he was going to die. Eva and Sebastians chit chat about food and names did nothing but piss him off. Especially she pissed him off. Especially since it was her fault that he'd been drinking. She almost died. _Died._ She could have died right in front of him, while he'd been helpless to stop it. Unable to do anything but watch. He'd called her that night, desperate to talk to her and make sure that she was okay, but she'd ignored him again. So he drank, desperate to get the picture of her fighting for her life out of his head. He couldn't stand feeling helpless, and she'd made him that way even if it wasn't intentionally. He tried to ignore the part of him that wanted to congratulate her on winning the fight, the part of him that was impressed with her skills. Especially the part of him that was proud.

Her comment about his drinking habits made fury build up inside of him and he met her challenging look with one of his own. Do you really want to go there darling? Apparently she did, and for once, he backed off. Sebastians not so discreet slide away reminding him that they were at work, and pushing her against the nearest wall and having his way with her was not an option.

That blasted woman. He silently fumed on the way back after the case. Just a few days ago she had been fighting for her life, and now she wanted to get blown up as well? His emotions were running high and he snapped at her, only the major declaring that he would be the one to disarm the bomb was able to cool him down. He took a deep breath and pushed the feelings down, this wasn't the time to be distracted on anything else but the safety of everyone involved.

So his brother had made himself some new friends, wasn't that fantastic. His life was just one mess after another. He wanted to come with them when she asked, especially because _she_ asked. More than anything he wanted to talk to her about what was going on between them. He saw the disappointed look she tried to hide behind a gentle smile and he cursed himself, hoping that this hadn't been his one chance to clear up everything between them. As so many times before, his family had gotten in the way and he needed to deal with it, now.

He just hoped he would get another chance.


	5. Chapter 5

**Episode: Desperation & Desperados**

 **I don't own Crossing Lines or it's characters.**

" _You're both right"_

Could they be anymore at each others throats? Sebastian was a patient man, but he was no saint and this had gone on for long enough now. And sure, maybe it wasn't exactly the right time to have this conversation while following a group of killers across Slovenia, but when was the time really.

"You know, for someone so brilliant on every time of weapon known to man you sure are clueless about a lot of things".

It was a bait, and like he predicted Tommy jumped at it.

"And what is that supposed to mean mate?"

"Just an observation" He kept his tone teasing, not wanting the Irishmen completely pissed off.

"Well keep them to yourself would ya"

"So is the problem that you want each other but doesn't act on it, or is the problem that you've slept together and now doesn't know what to do about it?"

The straightening of his back was telling enough, but the wary look in Tommy's eyes as he turned to face him convinced of that it was the latter.

"What are you on about now Berger?"

"You and Eva"

"Me and Eva?"

"It's obvious something is going on"

Tommy turned away then. "There's nothing going on with Eva".

Ah, so that was the problem then.

If he was a betting man, and it was no secret that he was, then he would bet that the long look Eva gave Tommy after she had shared her past with them to help Angela Conti, was a plea for acceptance.


	6. Chapter 6

**This takes place right after Tommy and Sebastian finds Eva at the morgue, unable to look at Anne-Marie's body.**

 **I don't own Crossing Lines or it's characters.**

It's her. I know it's her. Eva turned the water to cold, quickly cupping her hands on splashing her face. The cold water helped a little, but not much.

I know it's her. Anne-Marie… Did you suffer? Did it hurt? Were you scared? She let out a choked gasp filled with tears her hand banging against the mirror as the door opened and closed. Her tear filled eyes met Tommy's.

"Is Carl here?"

He shook his head. "Not yet, someone had forgotten to fill up the bird, so it's gonna be another 20 minutes, or so he thought".

"Okay" She took a deep breath, her hands fumbling with closing the taps. His hands on hers stilled them, pulling them away to do it himself. She hadn't even heard him come up behind her.

"We don't know if it's her" His voice was quiet and solemn.

"It's her" Another tear escaped, and she wrenched her hand away from his to angrily wipe it away.

He didn't argue, and she again looked up to meet his eyes in the mirror. "I know it's her Tommy. I know it" She sighed, dropping her eyes. "She died alone".

"She wasn't alone, she had those girls. The one's she rescued"

"She didn't have us"

"Because she was here alone"

"Don't" She turned angrily to face him, realizing too late that she was still trapped between his arms on the sink. "Don't say that like it's her fault".

"I'm not" He shook his head. "But Eva, how could we have saved her when we didn't even know she was here?"

"We should have known" Her voice was loud for the others to hear them out in the hallway.

"Yeah, we should have" His voice raised. "But we didn't, and that ends now. We're a team, and from now on no matter what we stick together, no more going off on their own to do god knows what without telling the rest and without having at least another one of us with them"

"Tommy"

"No, Eva look at what's happened already. Anne-Marie might be dead and the Major has been kidnapped, do you know why? Because they were alone!"

She tried to push past him, his sudden intensity too much for her fragile emotions to handle, but he wouldn't let her, moving one hand from to sink to grasp her neck, making her meet his eyes.

"Promise me you won't do that"

She didn't have time to answer because he crushed her against his chest, hugging her tightly and making her realize that he was just as upset as she was. When he pulled back their eyes met and then their lips.

He kissed her passionately, pouring all of the emotions of the day into the kiss, and she stood up on her toes, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck while his wrapped around her waist. With all the emotions brimming underneath the surface, and everything they had tried to hold back and forget since sleeping together they soon lost control. Tommy's hands were suddenly on her ass, pressing her closer to him before lifting her up on the sink. Her legs spread immediately and he stepped between them, again pulling her closer to him.

A knock on the door, and Sebastians voice cut through the fog surrounding them.

"Hickman is 2 minutes away guys" His voice was low and subdued.

"Coming" Tommy managed to sound almost normal, a fact Eva was jealous of as she tried to catch her breath. He helped her down, and brushed some hair off her face, then she could almost see the mask come down on his face.

She didn't say anything, choosing to straighten her clothes in silence but when she turned to the door his hand wrapped around her arm, making her look up at him. She swallowed hard and nodded before opening the door.


End file.
